To hopefully make your heart at ease about suffering.
To share how hard it is to go through this, but not to stay there...
To show you that you don't need to be afraid when suffering comes, because God is near to his children. He never leaves us nor forsakes us. And that it is possible that his words can become truer to you than the horror you face.
I want to share that when faced with the horror of holding your dead child, amazing peace and strength is given that is uncomprehendable. (yes i made that word up) In that very horific moment you actually live out the peace that surpasses all understanding talked about in Philippians 4 and the strength provided for the weary talked about in Isaiah 40. They are no longer words on a page, they are the truest true.
We aren't diest, we serve a God who is very present and knows exactly what we are going through. So I should have a hope, I shouldn't fall into complete despair. Is it hard? Very. Would I rather another way? Yes. Do I miss Micah? Everyday.. But for some reason I'm feeling like my focus shouldn't stay there. The fact that God is good and only writes good things into my story should shout louder than the whispers of my suffering.
I've found that so much of life is about perspective. The way I perceive my life and the God that I serve dictates how I endure through life. The one thing that influences my perspective is what I put into my mind. I find the more truth I have in my mind about God, the easier it is to get through that day.
It's when I start doubting God's goodness that the days get hard. It's when I question his words that I become miserable, bitter and jealous. So yes it is true that we don't live by bread alone but on every word from the mouth of God. I'm a dead girl walking around when I'm living on my own words/bread, but am rejuvenated when his words are in me. In suffering God has forced me to see that this is what I need- that Micah dying is the best possible good for me.
All this to say, God is good. If you are suffering know that it is not in vain, God has a goal for you and it is to make you desire Him more than anything else- and the only way to do that is to make life a little bit harder for you. In our comfort we don't really desire God, because we already have what we want. So God in his wisdom takes away the lesser things to give us himself- the greatest thing. Your suffering doesn't have to be as big as a loved on dying, it could be as simple as a rough day at work. (which is actually not simple when your in the middle of it. So i guess all suffering is big when your enduring through it.) Whatever hard thing there is in your life, it's there on purpose to leave you discontented with this place and wanting more of Jesus.
I feel like the best way to honor Micah is to speak about his death in a way that brings God glory. Micah is actually doing that right now and I'm sure that's what he wants me to do in sharing about his short life.
And so I'll be sharing his story in another post. This post is already too long. I'll just leave you with some quotes:
Shattered dreams are never random. They are always a piece in a larger puzzle, a chapter in a larger story. The Holy Spirit uses the pain of shattered dreams to help us discover our desire for God, to help us begin dreaming the highest dream. They are ordained opportunities for the Spirit to awaken, then to satisfy our highest dream.- Larry Crabb
Even the saddest things can become, once we have peace with them, a source of wisdom and strength for the journey that still lies ahead.- Frederick Beuchner
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