the not so pretty, pretty pattern...

Just when everything started to go good, something bad happened.

That seems to be the pattern...

And although it's a pattern, it seems to surprise me every time it happens.

For some reason, I expect for things to go smoothly here, or at least I expect it to happen eventually.

I seem to be waiting for the time to come when everything goes right.

In some ways, I feel like I deserve it you know.

I mean, come on, I've been through a lot these past few months, give me a break.

Make my life easy from here on out..

No more challenges, just nice easy living.

I think I'm really saying, "I paid my dues, now pay yours."

Thankfully, God in his grace doesn't listen to my folly.

I noticed that I've been thinking like that the past few weeks.

These past few weeks have been challenging for me in ways I didn't expect. 

I expected to be wallowing in misery over my sons death. It's been very hard, but for some reason I'm able to cope, somehow I'm able to say "God is good". God has given me joy, peace and a clear mind in that area of my life. I cannot explain it, it's a miracle. (So that was something bad, then something good)

But for some reason, something way more insignificant seems to be bugging me- my anxieties and my fear of man... (then something bad- see the pattern??)

It's been harder to fight than ever before and I can feel my heart saying, "God seriously, give me a break. I've been through enough already, I don't want to deal with my spiritual growth right now. I want to sail smoothly into eternity from here on out. I endured through my fair share of suffering." For some reason, He's not down with that, and is allowing another form of suffering into my life.

For other people it could be right when you get your finances in order, you loose your job.

Or right when your marriage seems to be going smoothly, some new communication issues comes up.

Or right when you seem to be getting your parenting down, your kid comes up with a new sin that you have no idea how to handle.

Or right when you've gotten over this one struggle, a new one comes up.

I mean, I could go on for eternity, lol

There is always something that just messes with our perfect little earth.

Or maybe there is something wrong with us.

Maybe our perception is off, maybe we don't actually get that this place isn't perfect and isn't our home.

Maybe it's actually normal that, right when things are going good, they start to go bad.

Maybe the miracle is that things actually went right for some substantial amount of time in the first place.

Praise God for His grace and mercy through Jesus- who allows the sun to shine on the just and the unjust- who by his mercy graces us with good days and gives us the strength to endure through the bad.

Why do you complain, Jacob?
Why do you say, Israel,
"My way is hidden from the LORD;
my cause is disregarded by my God"?
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.