the blessing of nuisance

i guess you could say i'm implying she's a nuisance... oops

"oh, no here she comes... she's gonna wanna talk forever about her problems and issues and i just don't have the time. it's most likely going to be about something we've already discussed. i told her what she needs to do to fix her problem, she just needs to do it. how can i make this short and talk to that one person I've been trying to chat with for so long? i've been thinking about her all week and i think i could encourage her. but this girl is going to steal all my time and i'll miss her again." 


it might just be me, but I'm just wondering if anyone else has ever felt like this?


do you know someone like that?


the nuisance?


the person that seems to never have it together?


the person who makes you feel justified in avoiding her?


have you ever wondered why God has her in your life?


i do.


i've been thinking about this a lot and I feel like God's impressing a new perspective. He's revealing a lot about me through some difficult relationships. thought i'd share:


i've found that maybe this person is in my life for my good, even more than i am for theirs.


i've found that God might actually be showing me-ME.


the way i go to him and talk forever about my issues/problems and spend little time listening.


the way his words tell me what to do but i seem to find myself doing the same thing over and over and over again.


but yet he's alway there, ready to listen, he never leaves me nor forsakes me and when i stray away, he pursues me.


now, there is nothing special about me that makes him want to look out for me, to make him want to spend time with me and listen to me. 


it's simply because jesus became the nuisance for me on the cross that i am able to come boldly before the throne of grace to find stregnth in time of need. 


so with knowing what christ has done for me, and the way god now treats me because of it- shouldn't it change my view of everyone around me, including the nuisance?


shouldn't i be more open to listen to her, shouldn't i be pursuing her instead of trying to avoid her? 


christ has died and rose so i don't have to be bound by my old avoiding ways, he has freed me to be bound by righteousness.


in his love for me, he has shown me how to love the nuisance, who is actually no different than myself.


this is a very hard thing to come to grips with and i've noticed three thing that make it so: I love to love nice people. i don't believe God is good. I feel a strange pressure to change everyone with an issue.


it's so easy to love nice people. the ones who compliment me, listen to me and think of ways to serve and encourage me. sometimes i wonder if i actually love these people. i think i love how they make me feel. when i'm faced with difficult people i realize how little i love. how much i need in return in order to give. i'm realizing the only way to learn to love is to have a difficult person in my life- who gives back very little. who might talk a lot or not talk much. who might be cold, or insensitive, or not say anything good about me. who might always do the wrong thing and want my advise yet again. it's with these people that i find i cannot love in my own strength. i need a savior! i need to see love demonstrated for the most unloveable (me) and have that move me to love others. 


i think another reason why i might shy away from people like this is because i don't believe that god purposely planned for this person to come into my day and make it difficult. in that moment i believe that god only allows comfortable things into my life. and because this person is making my life hard i want them out. when i realize that nothing in my life is random and everything is for my good, even hard things, i can look at this person from a different perspective. i can look for ways god is trying to grow me specifically, not just the other person.


lastly, i think difficult people are hard for me to be around  because i feel a need to be the holy spirit in their lives. i think to myself, "ok, so god put this person in my life today, it's so obvious that they have a real issue, i'm sure god sees it, so i'm sure he has me here to help her see her problems." this is such a prideful thought. it's sounds awful written down and much better in my mind. but this is obviously such a wrong perspective. it makes my encounter with that person a chore. whenever i'm thankful to God for the difficult person in my life and i pray for god to use me however he will, i tend to have a much better time talking and even listening to that person because the pressure is not on me. it's up to god to do as he will and if he decides not to use me to say anything profound to this person, that's totally ok. there are a million other people and ways that God will be working in this person's life, so it's ok for me to relax and actually enjoy this person's company.


i've come to realize the problem is always me. there is always something wrong with my heart, some form of selfishness is always there. God wisely uses my irrrittaion and annoyance to show me my sick heart and through his spirit creates a clean one.

Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.- Thomas Kempis


Give to everyone who begs from you...

and as you wish that others would do to you,

do so to them.

if you love those who love you,

what benefit is that to you?

For even sinners love those who love them.

and if you do good to those who do good to you,

what benefit is that to you?

for even sinners do the same.

And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive,

 what credit is that to you?

But love your enemies, and do good, and lend,

expecting nothing in return,

and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, 
for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil.

Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.

(Romans 6:15-23,Luke 6:30-36, Romans 8:28)